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Wednesday, 12 August 2015

A-dork-a-ble? or just a dork? you decide...

I had a dream last night that I was a comedian.

It felt like the most natural thing on earth, I actually remember thinking 'ah, this is what i'm meant to be doing'. I was ace. i had them eating out of the palm of my hand. I unfortunately can't remember anything I said, so there goes that latest foray into a new career.

I imagine that if I WAS going to go into comedy, I would like to reflect on the things that we do (well that I do) that make us human. Which had me laying in bed this morning (with a nasty, horrible cold) thinking of the stories that make me human. And now I am concerned that maybe i'm just a bit 'too' human to be a comedian and no-one would laugh.

Here is one such story that flooded back to my memory, thought I'd share:

It was a beautiful sunny afternoon when I arrived home from work. The kind of day where you haven't felt warm for the last three months but - oop, there's the sun! so better put on a flowy skirt and a pair of thongs and head out into it before it disappears forever.

In fact, dog decides she is going for a walk before I do and insists that we leave the house before she rips up the remote control and shoves it's microchippy body under my bedcovers as a subtle warning.

The sun is shining as we walk down past the first block. People are waving at me and smiling - it's amazing what the sun can do for people's moods, we all feel good. There's a collective smugness in the air; the dog is trotting along next to me all is well in the world. Might as well slow right down as we pass the bowls club and watch. The ladies and men are all laughs, the bowls are clinking, people are having small cheers. Ahh, glad we came out into the world.
The dog stops for a big sniff around the roses, ah well, I'm not in a hurry, sniff away doggie.

Then, I feel a breeze. The clouds are starting to come over already.
And I feel a breeze.
On my arms.
On my face.
On my arse.
Yes, on my arse.
I have put my most flowy skirt on.
I have tucked my most flowy skirt firmly into my underwear.
I have waved at the neighbourhood in some kind of exhibitionist - ass flashing - shit what undies am I wearing - fool of a human being.
Stupid dog didn't even tell me.

Ok, two ways to go here. 1. run home in tears. 2. fish out skirt from underwear, chuckle and continue walk, checking every two minutes on back of skirt.

AMAZINGLY i took option two. So now everyone's seen my ass. It's been pretty much rape deterrent I think. I've never felt safer walking the dog since.

You've heard of adorkable, I'm just a dork.

Anyway, foray into comedy satisfied, Here's a couple of things I've been working on. I love the way the keys came out on this vintage dress, and might make myself one for spring - and NOT tuck it into my underwear.

Victorian riding jacket will be complete with Asian silk lining and frog closures