But more than that, it's a way to connect to my life purpose.
Its hard to connect the dots to why we do things (and why things happen to us) in our life, especially if you have existential angst to a stupid degree like I do. And to this end I have spent much of my life trying to find a so called 'purpose'.
At high school we are supposed to know what we are meant to do; fireman, banker, lollipop person. But come on, I've spent my whole life not knowing, and finally, FINALLY decided that that is ok. I forgive myself for not becoming a corporate leader. I forgive myself for not making a million dollars...or even thousands...tens? I forgive myself for not owning my own home or only just purchasing a new car, ironing undies or bleaching my tea towels or whatever good adults do. It wasn't in my mandate, not my purpose in life.
Any of you creative types might just relate to this:
I spent my teens working and quitting jobs because it wasn't what I was 'supposed' to be doing.
I spent my twenties studying and searching my interests in an effort to head in the right direction.
I spent my thirties working, playing, drinking and studying and sometimes up a tree (but that's another story) because I thought there was no purpose or meaning.
And now, approaching my forties, I've finally realised that my purpose is to somehow create and be fruitful and work to support my fruitful creativeness.
But what about money? I hear you ask. Well, It's never been a big thing on my radar. I know that I need it, but it's what keeps us creative types driven - keeps us hungry - sometimes quite literally. This has been the struggle. I've been too busy creating stuff. Useful stuff and useless stuff of all kinds.
Which has got me thinking; surely I'm not the only person who has stumbled around this long not knowing which direction to take? All my friends are amazing qualified people with incredible jobs and security, but I can't be the only one who flip flops all around the nation trying on different roles and falling back to 'being creative'.
Where are all the other flippy floppers? I know you're out there, probably had to sell your computer to eat, I get it.
So, back to the school days thread, if 'being creative' was a job prospect, would I have though twice about it? It would have been like this:
Looking for an exciting, life long career that will fulfill you spiritually but not financially?
Hours are flexible, food is optional, opportunities are ... negotiable.
Long hours of manic coffee drinking, followed by long hours of
couch surfing idea incubating.
Years of perfecting your skills punctuated by bad jobs, periods of doubt, depression, ennui and coveting your neighbour's ass because you can't afford your own.
Cannot mind about clothing being covered in paint, or other permanent mediums.
Must be good at defending career choice to family, friends and bank managers.
Noodle eating a must, holidays not included. Ever.
n.b. personal experience may differ from position shown
So, what's the answer? I would have done it anyway but maybe I would have been able to forgive myself sooner. Wouldn't this all be a lot easier if we had Harry Potter's sorting hat?
Or something more like the task tortoise, the job giraffe, purpose porpoise...?
But then I found this picture, and now I finally know the real meaning of string theory...
And basically the meaning of life. Which is obviously cats. Always cats.