Literally. I am back to the drawing board. Except picture it without a board, just the drawing.
Since being diagnosed with RA (or whatever it is going to morph into after seeing the specialist) - I have been having a lot of trouble sewing by hand all the little foresty friends that got me through a really rough artless time in my life.
It's amazing what excuses we will give ourselves to not be true to who we are. My main excuse has been lack of space. I have lived in a mailbox for over five years now in which time I let my drawing and painting wither and then die because it is too much effort to keep a small house clean with me cluttering up the house with easels, fumes, shavings and nude models everywhere.
ok, no nude models.
ok, no models - maybe nudity.
It has taken for my body to complain so hard, to force me to stop using my left hand, to stop me from hunching over material and my sore eyes from focusing on the eye of a needle - for me to get back to my roots. It has been some time since I have had art exhibitions, longer since I have held a paintbrush, and far too long since I have made a huge mess and had a life affirming moment doing so.
Anyone who has a creative need will know exactly what I mean. If you don't let it flow, your life can feel very stifled. Sad, empty and worthless.
Sound a little melodramatic? It has taken me years to realise that it isn't. It is just a basic truth of life.
So if you have a burning desire - I suggest strongly that you make the time to let it grow. Breathe a little life into it - make a spark that will give you the will to get up in the morning. Without taking the time to work on what we're meant to do - we're just taking up time.
Happy to announce then that I've decided to push for some work in this field again. It will take some time to get back to where I was, but I'm going to seriously enjoy getting there.
So, my first listing to sell portraits is up: wish me luck! With so much amazing competition out there, i'm going to need it!